View from the Chair

17th November 2009

Hello. Where do I start? Four days after speaking at SHADA’s (Sexual Health and Disability Alliance) national conference at the Royal Society of Medicine I’m still sharing my thoughts on what was a very memorable day. Brun, my long time friend and WDP colleague who accompanied me down to London said that she also can’t stop talking about it. Relationship, Sex, Disability and Pleasure was a conference that I’ve felt was long overdue. These issues are too quickly swept aside for all the wrong reasons, which probably has something to do with our British culture of viewing sex as embarrassing, added to relationships, pleasure and disability. Well need I say more! The organising team certainly made sure that the audience got the message that disabled people, whatever their impairment could, if they so wish, enjoy the pleasures of relationships and sex.

During the afternoon sessions a tantric sex therapist delivered a practical example of how a disabled person with no sensation or movement above the neck could enjoy the equivalent of an orgasm. The low lighting, candles and soft music on the stage added to leaving the auditorium in stunned silence, at one stage the therapist turned to the audience and suggested that we could breath! And if that wasn’t enough the next practical example involved a lap dancer performing a very erotic full strip for a man who was deaf and blind. I really felt for his interpreter who tried very hard to keep his composure during the performance. I’m sure that members of the audience which included several eminent medical practitioners will carefully consider their response when they next face a disabled person who has concerns about their impairment and its effects on their relationships or sex life. Well done to Tuppy and her team.

Since my last blog I’ve also spoken at 2 more conferences in Aintree Hospital and earlier today at the Bridgewater Hall in Manchester. Both excellent events but not as memorable as last Fridays! In my first official capacity as Deputy Lieutenant of Cheshire my wife Pam and I were invited to join Birchwood Lions at their remembrance service. It was a great honour to have been asked. The event was a shining example of community cohesion with children, families and war veterans standing side by side in paying their respects. During the past 20 years since my accident I have got to know many committed people who champion various causes, none more so than my good friend Andrew Carman MBE, who for decades worked tirelessly to raise the profile of disability awareness locally, regionally and nationally. Andrew recently sent me an email to give his apologies for the next meeting of the Disability Forum as he would be busy celebrating his mums 100th birthday, but sadly just days before the event she died. My thoughts are with Andrew and his family at this time.

Several days later I joined other members of our family at my nephew Tom’s 19th birthday party. I won’t say too much about the food, or the venue in fear of being sued! That said it was a great night, one that I have since reflected on especially when I came across a picture I have of me holding Tom in my arms when he was only weeks old. It was taken in Walton Hospital on one of the first occasions that I had managed to sit up after months in bed after my accident. Looking at the picture reminded me that I had initially refused to be his godfather because I hadn’t felt worthy to live up to the challenge. After some bullying from my sister Jayne, brother in law Graham and wife Pam I did agree to Tom’s godfather, I just hope that I fulfilled my commitment.

Thanks again for your interest.

Until next time, take care

Dave Thompson